you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
