Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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