Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
