Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
