that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
