That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
