im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
