I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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