You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
