If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
