Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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