I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
