saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
