One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
