So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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