when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
