google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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