I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
