??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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