does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
