I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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