I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
