NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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