Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
