When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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