Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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