she looked like the before picture.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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