if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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