How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
