I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
