alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
