Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
