I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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