Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize