Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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