His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
