I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
