Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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