Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
