They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
