I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
