all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
