I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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