Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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