my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
