real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
