Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize