fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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