I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
