I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
