I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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