my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
