That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He better not be in your backpack
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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