Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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