my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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