so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
