Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was CRYING into my vagina
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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