Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
