I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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