My room smells like vodka and shame
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
