Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
