Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
