Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
