Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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