you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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