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Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
