I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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