she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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