its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
