I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
