Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
