My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
