we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
