This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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