i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize