if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
