now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
