You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
