yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I lost the right to judge tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
