hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
