You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize