on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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