Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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