In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
