Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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