who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
