I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well you can't waste a boner
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize